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Postpartum Almost Ended Our Family

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Postpartum Almost Ended Our Family is a truth in parenting post about the struggles of dealing with postpartum anxiety, depression, and birth control. 

Someone was going to sneak into our house and harm us all.  I knew it.  I had a feeling in my gut it was going to happen. If I didn’t stand at the door and watch the garage door completely shut, someone was going to slip under it, hide out in our garage, and wait until I opened the door again to harm us. 

The first time I had this thought, I shut the door to our garage and chuckled to myself. “Larisha, you are crazy.” I brushed it off, and went about the day. Our second baby was roughly three weeks on when this happened. I didn’t give it much thought. It was just me being a little paranoid with a new baby in the house.

I frantically woke up. The baby wasn’t breathing. 

I screamed at my toddler because she spilt her cup. 

I frantically woke up. The baby wasn’t next to me. Someone must have taken her. 

The garage incident happened again. 

My chest would feel like my heart was going to pound out of chest and my throat would feel like someone was strangling me. 

The garage incident happened again. 

6 Week Postpartum Visit

This and multiple other events happened before I even reached my 6 week postpartum appointment with my OBGYN. When the day of the appointment arrived, I burst out into tears.  I knew that something was wrong, but I was terrified.  How much did I disclose?  If I said too much, I felt like they were going to admit me and take my children away.

Looking back on it now, I feel like this is likely the #1 reason most moms don’t speak up more. We are terrified that someone is going to take our children away. Women would much rather suffer than have it happen. We will bear the weight of the entire world on our shoulders if that means that our children stay with us.

I gave enough information that they agreed it was beyond “baby blues”. It was at that appointment that I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety and depression. I was put on Zoloft and also started the mini pill because it was the safest form of birth control for breastfeeding (so I was told).

It got worse before it got better.

While I could tell the Zoloft was helping, my burst of anger towards everyone, including my new baby, and extreme mood swings almost left my relationship with Andrew in shambles. I would go back and forth feeling helpless that I was this horrible mother only for the next day to burst out again. Every time, almost immediately I felt guilt. I was a monster. My children and Andrew didn’t deserve this and I knew that, but I couldn’t control it. I would go days without be upset and then go days of constantly being on edge.

There were certain things – like taking a shower alone or being outdoors that helped, but we don’t have the support to have help often, so many times because of that and Andrew’s long work hours I was left alone with both kids.  All the while, I tried to act to the outside world that everything was really okay when it wasn’t. The combination of everything was almost unbearable for Andrew and I to continue being happy together and because of that our relationship almost ended on more than one occasion through our trials with how I was feeling.

The Mini Pill

A few months went by and I learned through an outside source that the mini pill side effects could be depression and mood swings. I immediately stopped taking the pill and within a week noticed a huge difference in my mood. As someone who reads so much about what medicines I’m giving to my children, I couldn’t believe I didn’t do this for myself.

Where We Are Now

Around the time I stopped taking it, I had already scheduled my appointment to have my tubes removed. Looking back on it now, I’ll admit, I wonder if I made the right decision.  We always wanted more than two children, but with the anxiety and depression, I knew if I had another child it would likely be the end of our relationship for good. It wasn’t a risk I was willing to take.

I’m in a much better place, but we still have moments of craziness. With a 5 and almost 3 year old, I chalk that up to being parenting. Andrew and I are in a better place now but it doesn’t go without the fear that we could have lost it all.

Pin this Postpartum Almost Ended Our Family post for later

Peanut Butter Apple Pie Lactation Smoothie Recipe

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This Peanut Butter Apple Pie Lactation Smoothie Recipe not only tastes good, but works to help get the calories needed in a simple lactation boosting recipe.  

 peanut butter apple pie lactation smoothie

Watch us make this Peanut Butter Apple Pie Smoothie Recipe

WHERE DID THE TIME GO?
I used to hear mom’s say that ALL the time before I had our girls. Now, we have two girls and our baby is almost six.  When I first wrote this post, I was amazed that not only 18 months had gone by, but that we were still breastfeeding here.  As our this current post, we nursed that 18 month until until she was four, and we are currently nursing her little sister who will be 3 in a few months.
I had no intention of full term breastfeeding and my goal was to make it to 6 months with our first. But here we are.  Some days nursing happens more often than it did when she was a newborn, some days I’m ready to throw in the towel, and many days, I’m extremely grateful to still be able too feed her.  Because I know she needs it.  Physically and emotionally.
lactation smoothie recipe

DO LACTATION RECIPES WORK?

Friends with new babies often reach out because they are scared they won’t produce enough milk.  And my answer is always, “it’s very rare that a mom actually has production issues, however, you can take precautions and be proactive in helping your supply.”
I’ve been working to create some great, easy recipes to share so moms have great options when they need them.  So how can this recipe help with lactation?  Oats and Flax are known help boost milk production, while the peanut butter is a great protein to make sure you are getting the calories you need while satisfying your hunger since you are probably stuck on a couch nursing a baby.
how to make a lactation smoothie

**NOTE:  IF YOU ARE TRULY CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR MILK PRODUCTION, PLEASE REACH OUT TO AN IBCLC AND/OR YOUR LOCAL LA LECHE LEAGUE. YOU CAN ALSO READ OUR POST ABOUT LACTATION BOOSTING FOODS TO INCREASE YOUR MILK SUPPLY. 

lactation smoothie recipe

But don’t think that just because we have made it here that we haven’t shared in our own ups and downs.  It’s been a tough road, any breastfeeding mom will tell you the same.  Fortunately, I never had supply issues (most moms don’t), but even I have questioned if I’m still producing enough milk.  I’ve read various articles about increasing milk production and two of those — oatmeal and flax seed — I love adding as often as I can to many things.  Peanut Butter is also a great way to get in healthy fats, protein, and keep you filled for longer (we all know as moms we don’t get to eat very often!). Feel free to sub nut free butters like sunbutter, or use an alternative like almond butter.  It will give it a slightly different taste, but still yum!

peanut butter lactation smoothie

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LACTATION BOOSTING PEANUT BUTTER APPLE PIE SMOOTHIE RECIPE
Prep Time
5 mins
Total Time
5 mins
 

This delicious Lactation Boosting Peanut Butter Apple Pie Smoothie recipe will have you asking for another right away! 

Course: Breakfast, Snack
Cuisine: American
Servings: 1 smoothie
Calories: 593 kcal
Author: Larisha Campbell
Ingredients
  • 1 apple cored
  • 1 banana
  • 1/4 cup old fashioned oats
  • 2 tbsp peanut butter
  • 1 tbsp flax seed (up to 2 tbsp if you are really looking to boost milk production)
  • 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1/2 cup whole milk Sub for dairy free milk if necessary
Instructions

  1. Add ingredients and blend until well combined.  

Recipe Notes
  1. If texture is a concern for you, add oats to blender first and pulse until fine like flour. Then proceed as normal with remaining ingredients.
  2. To make cold, use a frozen banana or add ice until well blended. 
  3. **Nutritional facts are just estimates. Please utilize your own brand nutritional values to double check against our estimates. 
Nutrition Facts
LACTATION BOOSTING PEANUT BUTTER APPLE PIE SMOOTHIE RECIPE
Amount Per Serving (1 smoothie)
Calories 593 Calories from Fat 234
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 26g 40%
Saturated Fat 6g 30%
Cholesterol 12mg 4%
Sodium 206mg 9%
Potassium 1140mg 33%
Total Carbohydrates 81g 27%
Dietary Fiber 14g 56%
Sugars 42g
Protein 18g 36%
Vitamin A 7.4%
Vitamin C 22.6%
Calcium 19.9%
Iron 14.2%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

Pin this Peanut Butter Apple Pie Lactation Recipe for later!

lactation smoothie recipe with peanut butter

*The pictures below were the original pictures for this Peanut Butter Apple Pie Lactation Recipe which you may have seen floating around Pinterest.  It’s the same recipe, we’ve just gotten a lot better at photography!

It’s Easy to Love Until It’s No Longer An Option

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It’s Easy to Love Until It’s No Longer An Option is a post dedicated to learning about National Rare Disease Day, Mytotublar Myopathy, and how to be a best friend. 

Trigger Warning: Family Loss. Miscarriage. Child Loss. 

I’ve sat down to write this post a hundred times. I’ve shut my computer hundred times. The right words never seemed to be there. I’m still not sure they are now. But, I’m going to try.

Almost six years ago, my world suddenly changed. I found out I was pregnant. I was newly out of a job, lived in a state with no family, and I hadn’t made a single friend yet despite living here in Jersey for almost two years. Through a series of events throughout my pregnancy, I met the sweetest person. Almost instantly, we clicked. Her son would be 3 months older than my girl. We had playdates, we attempted co-ops together, we laughed, we gossiped, we became the bestest of friends. It was something I yearned for both since moving to Jersey and now as a new mom. And she filled so much of my heart.

Friendships are about how you act during the tough times.

Over the next 5 years, I would learn that in order to be the bestest of friends, sometimes, life isn’t fair. And sometimes is disproportionately fair for one of you than the other. My best friend would go through some of the most difficult times during these next few years. She has one of the closest families I’ve ever seen, so to see her loose her nana and father-in-law hurt me so much.

But I learned how to be a better friend through her losses. I learned to listen. I learned to share. I learned how much meals can help heal and bring people together.  

More excruciating than those losses though would be the two miscarriages she would go on to have. I hated the world for seeing my friend ripped apart. Each time more traumatizing than the last. Each time her light dimmed a bit.

But I learned how to be a better friend through her losses. I learned to help more. I learned small notes and messages mean more than anything. I learned that a simple gestures like dropping off their favorite coffee or candy bar could completely make someone’s day. 

A sunny moment doesn’t always last long

But then, she was pregnant again. Within weeks, we both found out we were expecting again. This time, our babies would be even closer in age. This time we fully enjoyed pregnancy together. They wound up born 23 days apart. We were so excited for everything that we were going to get to do. But once again life wasn’t fair. My friend’s sweet baby, Beau, was born with a rare genetic condition called myotubular myopathy (MTM).  This condition affects 1 in 50,000 male children born every year. It would be weeks before a diagnosis was given. So much time in the NICU. And over the next year, there would be many hospital visits, doctors appointments, therapies, and more.

rare disease day post

I struggled this time with how to be a friend.  I had a newborn baby. And, I was floundering myself and all I wanted to do was help my best friend.  I didn’t understand why life wasn’t fair. Why was my baby perfectly fine and my friend was struggling to come to terms with what all this meant. How did their life change after this? What would this mean for the rest of their lives?

But then I met Beau. 

I instantly fell in love. He was the sweetest baby. I never knew why my friend was dealt so much, but after meeting Beau I knew it was because he had so much to teach us. This sweet child filled our hearts and our minds with big life lessons.

He taught us about unconditional love. He taught us about fighting down barriers and never giving up.  We learned how to keep going from him. We learned that life is never fair, but you never stop working to be your best self.

It was easy to love him until it was no longer an option.

One of the most difficult pieces of myotubular myopathy is that children born with this condition are given a 2 year life expectancy.  This was probably one of the most difficult pieces of information we learned. How does one process this? What do you do when you are told you may only have your child for 730 days? Six months went by and Beau was thriving. One year went by and Beau was thriving. The two year mark approached and Beau was doing things that other MTM children could only imagine. He stunned his therapists and doctors. He was breaking all barriers.

And then he wasn’t.

Beau was easy to love, but after complications related to MTM one morning, he suddenly and unexpectedly passed away. Everyone’s life who knew Beau suddenly came to a screeching halt. This was the most unfair blow life could have ever dealt. Beau was 27 months.

myotubular myopathy

Best Friendships are about how you act during the REALLY tough times.

I can literally say my heart broke. No one can prepare you for this moment.  There are no friendship manuals that can prepare you for a phone call like that one. There is frankly nothing you can do or say that can even remotely make this better. Nothing you can buy can heal a heartache that comes from child loss.

But there is something I’ve learned over the last six months and that is that you never leave your friend to feel alone. Many people are going to leave their side. These friends are going to continue moving on with their life.  They aren’t going to be able to handle the stress of someone who appears to always be down. They people will stop checking, stop asking, stop helping. Best friendships are the ones who push through and are still there months later.

What I’ve learned from my friend experiencing child loss is that the single greatest thing you can do is never stop speaking about their child. Tell everyone. Post about them. Bring up their name and memories you have.  Never let your friend think their precious child will be forgotten.

Beau’s nickname was Woody because in therapy when he was done trying he would limp down like Woody does when Andy is coming. We now take Woody will us on all our vacations.  We tell people about Beau through Woody and through Woody, Beau gets to explore the world that he was never afforded the opportunity to do.

national rare disease day

I will still never understand why my friend has had to endure so much.  I will never understand why my sweet friend didn’t get longer. But what I do know is that my life is better because I had a chance to meet a sweet little boy with MTM. My life is better because I had 27 months with Beau.

myotubular myopathy beau thomas

Today, is National Rare Disease Day. There is currently no cure for MTM. To learn more about Myotubular Myopathy you can visit the Joshua Frase Foundation.  To learn more specifically about Beau, please, visit Beau’s Brave Journey. #BraveBeau #MTMStrong

Lactation Energy Bites

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Lactation Energy Bites are the go to recipe for breastfeeding moms.  They are no bake cookie balls that are easy to make, minimal ingredients, but still flavorful and beneficial. 

  lactation energy bites
Our breastfeeding relationship has had it’s ups and downs, but luckily, I never had actual milk supply issues. Before you continue reading, if you are a new mom or here because you think you have low supply, I encourage you to read 50+ Breastfeeding Myths Busted.

Watch how to make lactation energy bites:

Almost a year and a half into my first breastfeeding dyad, I heard about lactation cookies.  It seemed like ever since I first heard about them, I learned about so many other different types of lactation products– like bread, smoothies, and even energy bites.  I wish I would have known about these when we were early on in our nursing relationship and I was constantly looking for something to pop in my mouth.  I first learned about these from Breast is Best Facebook page.  They are my go to recipe for myself and other new moms!

lactation energy bites recipe

Funny story about the first time I made lactation energy bites

The funniest story happened the first time I ever made them. Andrew came home and I was still working on dinner.  He was hungry and opened the fridge and saw the bites and popped one in his mouth.  He then asked what they were and I simply said “Lactation Energy Bites”.  His face was priceless and he ran to the trash can.  “Why didn’t you tell me your milk was in them?”, he shouted! I couldn’t stop laughing as I tried to tell him there wasn’t breast milk in them. Lactation energy bites are supposed to HELP with milk production. It was hysterical.

easy lactation bites recipe

What ingredients do you need for a lactation energy bites recipe?

This is seriously one of the easiest recipes you will ever make in your entire life.  Grab a big container, throw in the oats, peanut butter, chocolate chips, honey, vanilla, and flaxseed. combine all together until mixed well.  Then form into balls and sit on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.  Put in fridge for them to set up and harden (typically 2-3 hours is fine).  I like to leave my in the fridge to just grab and go. It’s literally that easy.

easy lactation recipes
5 from 1 vote
Print
Lactation Energy Bites
Prep Time
10 mins
Total Time
10 mins
 

Lactation Energy Bites are the go to recipe for breastfeeding moms.  They are no bake cookie balls that are easy to make, minimal ingredients, but still flavorful and beneficial.

Course: Snack
Cuisine: American
Servings: 36 1in bites
Calories: 121 kcal
Author: Larisha Campbell
Ingredients
  • 2 cups rolled oatmeal
  • 1 cup chocolate chips
  • 1 cup creamy peanut butter
  • 3/4 cup ground flaxseed
  • 2/3 cup raw honey
  • 2 tsp vanilla
Instructions
  1. In a large bowl, add all ingredients.
  2. Stir until very well combined
  3. Using a small cookie dough scoop or your hands, roll into balls.
  4. Place on baking sheet.
  5. Place in fridge and let sit for 2-3 hours.
  6. Store in air tight container in the fridge.
  7. Eat as desired.
Recipe Notes

Crunchy peanut butter will not hold these together well. Add an additional 1/4-1/2 cup of flaxseed if you really need an extra boost of milk production.

Nutrition Facts
Lactation Energy Bites
Amount Per Serving (1 bite)
Calories 121 Calories from Fat 54
% Daily Value*
Total Fat 6g 9%
Saturated Fat 1g 5%
Sodium 37mg 2%
Potassium 93mg 3%
Total Carbohydrates 14g 5%
Dietary Fiber 1g 4%
Sugars 9g
Protein 3g 6%
Vitamin A 0.2%
Vitamin C 0.1%
Calcium 2%
Iron 3.4%
* Percent Daily Values are based on a 2000 calorie diet.

Pin these Lactation Energy Bites for later:

how to make lactation energy bites

You might also like our Chocolate PB Banana Lactation Smoothie

lactation milkshake recipe

or our Peanut Butter Apple Pie Lactation Smoothie.

lactation boosting smoothie

This lactation energy bites recipe was only published on 3/18/2014. We’ve updated the pictures in this post. Original pictures below.

no bake lactation energy bites

no bake lactation energy cookies

how to make lactation energy bites

 

 

I Don’t Sleep With My Husband

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I don’t sleep with my husband is a look into the lives of real parenthood. This post is about the truths of parenting and how if may not be ideal, but parents do everything to find a working solution for their family.

I don't sleep with my husband

Spoiler Alert: First off, we aren’t even married so technically he’s not my husband.

Secondly, get your mind out of the gutter. We’re talking about shutting my eyes and sleeping. Trust me, my sexual needs are being taken care of. TMI????

Now that you have that imagery in your head, let’s get started.

I don’t sleep with my husband.

We sleep in separate rooms which means separate beds. He sleeps in our master bedroom and I sleep in our girls’ room with our girls. Most of the time…it’s complicated.

I remember the first time I told a friend that she looked at me like I had 35 heads. What did I mean we didn’t sleep in the same bed? What kind of nonsense was this? We weren’t 80, why was this happening? I laughed, but she was genuinely confused. And this is typically how the conversation goes every single time it comes up with a friend.

How did we get here?

Let’s go wayyyyy back. It wasn’t always like this. A little over 5 years ago we had our first child. We swore she would never end up in our bed. After not even a week, we were both exhausted. No one was sleeping. The baby ended up falling asleep on my chest one night and all three of us had the best sleep since becoming a family of three. Our journey into attachment parenting kicked up a notch after that night. Soon, she was in our bed all the time. We figured out the safest way to bedshare (co-sleep) and never looked back after that.

cosleeping best for family

We slept this way for over 2 years until baby #2 came into our lives. Things got a little more complicated at this point. Andrew has extremely long days at work outside of the house, so it was important to both of us that he got sleep. We tried transitioning our first into her own room, but ultimately, it was a lot of back and forth for me.

I’m not the type of person that can function on little sleep so something had to change and change fast. Our home was miserable. Everyone was grumpy. And everyone was being affected. The solution….sleep in separate beds. Him in our own master bed and me with our girls in their room. Most nights, I will fall asleep with him in our room and then when one of the girls wakes up, I will go in their room for the rest of the night.

bed sharing better for family

“This is why we don’t co-sleep. Life is not functionable like this.”
“I would have done cry-it-out. There’s no way I’m not sleeping with my husband in our bed.”
“Your sex life must be miserable.”
“The kids would have to go.”

We’ve heard all these things, but what these people fail to realize is that this is a temporary solution. The way we’ve chosen to live our lives isn’t the end of the world, nor is it a permanent solution. Our goal when having kids was to fit ourselves into their lives, not them into ours. But seriously. This isn’t the end all be all. The world is this cruel and evil place. Now, more than ever. Right now, our girls need closeness and comfort that they get from laying with their mother for a few hours every night.

Also, this works for us! Everyone is happy. Our girls sleep (mostly). I sleep. Andrew sleeps. That was our goal and we are succeeding at it even if it’s not a traditional method that everyone has. Our girls are the most important thing we’ve even done and we know that only a few more weekends are going to go by before they are moving out of our house. Truthfully, think about it. We have 18 summers with our children. We all know how fast summers come and go, so for us, we are going to savor the few nights that seem like a drop in the bucket until they no longer need me. Until then…I don’t sleep with my husband. 

PS. Why do people assume that because you don’t sleep for 7 hours in a bed together at night means you aren’t having a sex life?  Y’all realize that sex does not have to happen in the bed at night after the lights are out and you are supposed to be going to bed right? Okay then. 

PPS.  We’re still happy and in love and thriving in our relationship!

why I don't sleep with my husband

Motherhood is Messy

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Motherhood is Messy is a real life depiction about the messy moments that we don’t always talk about in parenting. 

Get a solid night’s sleep without waking up 14 times.
Clothes staying folded in a pile when you walked away from them.
Eat food when it was hot.
Showering alone.
Running into a convenience store because you wanted a smoothie without having to unbuckle and rebuckle and wait 15 minutes because, “I can do it myself.”

Life was definitely more simple before having kids. Motherhood is Messy.

motherhood is messy

In all sense of the words, literally and figuratively, motherhood is messy.

I mean, for starters, your body changes during pregnancy and fluids randomly leak at inconvenient times is just a premonition of what is to come.  You laugh, you pee. You sneeze, you pee. Hiccup, cough, tip-toe across the room you pee yourself. Then, you actually birth said child and you didn’t realize that so many bodily fluids could happen at one time.

Okay, you think, it can’t get worse. But then, you wake up in a sweat every 2.5 hours only to realize every single time that it’s actually just breastmilk leaking from your boobs because your nursing pad fell out of your top. Then, you look at the calendar and it’s only Day 4 of motherhood.

truth in parenting

You go through the next few months of leaking milk when you forget your nursing pads, projectile vomit and poop, sometimes at the same time, and more tears than you’ve cried the previous 26 years combined.

You are emotionally a hot mess. Motherhood is Messy.

Moving on past infancy, you swear things are going to get better.

Then, your whole life is flipped upside down when your little starts to walk. Opening cabinets, pulling things out of drawers behind you, dumping every single bucket of toys they own only not to play with any of them. The next few years aren’t any easier. Then, bam, positive pregnancy test.  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!? Did you not just go through all of this? We’re going to do it again?  Yup, we’re going to do it again.

postpartum motherhood

Repeat everything that happened in the first three paragraphs, but add in a potty training toddler who will only pee 35 seconds after you took them off the toilet, a kid who likes to squeeze all the yogurt out of the pouch as fast as they can, and also loves seeing if they can actually manage to get all the water out of the tub in the 23 seconds it takes you to run to the hall closet to grab a towel. Hint: They’re pretty successful at doing the last one. 

messy parenting

Motherhood is Messy. 

Fast forward to having a toddler and preschooler and you finally feel like you are above water. The only issue is, it’s an entirely new set of messy obstacles. Schedules shift to include school and extracurricular activities, there’s new found messy fun like painting and mudpie making. It’s always something. You finally felt like you have it down, but the truth is, it’s always changing.  There’s always a new messy obstacle and always something that keeps you from feeling like you actually have it together.

messy moments in parenting

One thing remains constant – Motherhood is Messy. 

But it’s your messy. It’s your normal. While every day isn’t perfect, most moments are. We can embrace the good times. Shoot, we can even get messy with them. One thing remains true through it all and that is that laughter is the best remedy for those overwhelmed moments. Sit down and finger paint with them. Toss all the clothes up in the air.  Leave the dishes in the sink for an extra few hour to go outside and swing together. Whatever it is, embrace the messiness of motherhood.

messy motherhood moments

Motherhood is no easy flight, but I promise there’s moments that make it all worth it. When your kid asks to sit near you while you do a chore. Or when they bring you a picture that they made just for you. We have to be willing to accept and embrace our imperfections. Because while motherhood is messy, it’s all ours.

honest parenting

365 Daily Quotes of Encouragement

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Everyone needs a little pick me up sometimes.  Start your day off right with this 365 Daily Quotes of Encouragement Free Printable! 

Disclosure: This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #BigelowTea #TeaProudly #CollectiveBias

365 daily encouragement

Three years ago, I walked into our bedroom to see what appeared to be some sort of explosion.  There was stuff everywhere.  Papers and scissors, craft boards that I haven’t seen since high school social studies class project days, and some bottle of stuff called Mod Podge. I had no idea what was going on at the time. Larisha could sense my confusion and said, “Don’t worry, just making a vision board.” A-do-what?

365 daily motivation

Since then, I’ve seen the effects on how having something that is in your face to read every morning can change your mind set and help you reach your goals. Waking up and reading, “You are awesome” or “You’ve totally got this” when you aren’t in such a great mood to start can absolutely change the mindset of anyone. If you’re willing that is. 

motherhood moments

Larisha and I also realized that this type of encouragement helped our girls as well, mainly our older girl right now. You see, she’s at this awesome, but vulnerable age currently.  Telling her to pick a paper out of the jar that says “You are beautiful” or “Today’s going to be amazing” lights her up so much.

While the visions boards are old news for us, the encouragement jar is something new. For us, we try to pick one of the 365 Daily Quotes of Encouragement out of the jar as a family. Every morning, our new tradition starts by making a cup of Bigelow tea– we’ve really been loving the Green tea with pomegranate. Then, whatever that piece of paper says, we try to stick to that as our mantra for the day.

bigelow tea

January is actually Hot Tea Month, so it’s the perfect time to pick up a new tradition of a cup of tea and daily quotes of encouragement jar. You can hover over the image below to see how you can easily purchase Bigelow tea at Walmart.

 

365 Daily Quotes of Encouragement Jar Free Printable 

We truly believe in the power of encouragement. Because of that we wanted to make this as simple as possible.  We have (almost) every thing done for you. The supplies you need are:

All you need to do is make your favorite cup of tea. Then, enjoy while you are waiting for the printable to print out. Next, cut out all the phrases of encouragement while you drink your tea. Finally, place in a jar and pull one out each day.

daily motivation for dads

Grab your 365 Daily Phrases of Encouragement. 

 

365 daily pieces of encouragement

 

What are your New Year New You goals or plans for the year? Leave a comment below and let me know! Make sure the next time you are out shopping, you can a box of Bigelow tea from Walmart.

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bigelow tea

#TeaProudly #Sweepstakes (1/16 to 2/28)

daily encouragement for kids

I Gave Them Life

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I gave them life is a conversation around the thought that strangers feel they can try to silence children from simply being themselves.

i gave them life

I gave them life.

Funny.
Outgoing.
Animated.
Vibrant.
Roaring.
Silly.

All adjectives that would definitely describe my girls. Especially when they are happy and having fun together. They love attention and they know exactly how to get it. I’ve learned to let them live and be themselves because

  1. I don’t want to squash their spirit and
  2. *most* people immediately smile when they see them singing or joking around

Emphasis on most. There always has to be that one person to try to squash people back down.

Especially children. The incessant need to silence children is absurd.

let kids be kids

Recently, the girls and I were at the grocery store (Aldi of course) and as we are walking through the store the girls are singing Jingle Bells (so what it’s mid-January), making jokes, and saying hello to everyone that will look in their direction.  As most kids, they have the need to narrate their shopping trip, ask for everything they can, and hit each other once or twice as soon as I turn my back…because….siblings.

They stop and ask people their names. Delight when people ask them theirs or how old they are right now. And love when someone will listen long enough for a knock-knock joke or other random part of their day (usually it’s that I’m not letting them get a treat).

things strangers should stop doing

So, we get through the store. All my groceries have been scanned and I’m bagging my own groceries. (If you’ve been to an Aldi before you know that there’s a long table opposite the registers where you bag your own stuff). The girls are still playfully joking around and being silly. Not obnoxious, just kids. A lady comes up beside us and is bagging her own things. The lady and I catch eyes and I smile. The girls are tickling each other at this point. The lady says “what did you give them”?

The look of disdain on her face says it all. She didn’t want my kids to be having fun and free. She didn’t want them to be children in that moment. What she wanted was for them to be robotic and sit still and not say a word. She wanted them to fit into this cookie cutter mold that behaved children are quiet.

Without hesitation I answered, “life”.

A few months ago, I wouldn’t have answered this way. I’ve been asked this question before in different ways. “How much candy did they have today?” “What did you feed them for breakfast?” “Think it’s time to cut back the sugar?” All comments from strangers met with an awkward glare from me because we don’t even have sweets that often. This is just them.

Free.
Bold.
Unreserved.
Demonstrative.
Sociable.

I simply gave them life. Life where they get to be independent and make their own choices often (within reason, I’m not crazy). Where they get to learn to be themselves and never let others dim their lights. A life where they get to decide what makes them happy and how they are going to shine a light into others with their big personalities. A life where no one tells them to be less of who they are.

So the next time that someone asks you a similar question about your happy, outgoing child, I encourage you to answer the same way.

I Gave Them Life.

happy kids

12 Procedures to Decline During Pregnancy

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This post about 12 Procedures to Decline During Pregnancy will walk you through routine procedures you can decline. 

Procedures to Decline During Pregnancy

Congratulations! If you are reading this, you are likely pregnant. It’s supposed to be this extremely joyous moment in your life, yet you may often be surprised how many procedures are done during a short period of time in your life. For most women, pregnancy is not a serious medical condition. For those women, it’s important that they know they have a right to decline many unnecessary procedures.

Let’s Discuss WHY you would want to decline procedures during pregnancy

If you have a normal pregnancy – that means no at-risk signs, no prior complications in other pregnancies, no significant risk factors – then there are many things that you are subjected too simply because maternal care is treated as a one-size fits all method.  Especially in the United States, if you choose obstetric care, you are being molded into cookie cutter pregnancy care, with many procedures being absolutely unnecessary. Do you really feel like being poked and prodded for 40+ consecutive weeks? I know I didn’t. For most pregnancies, there are no risk factors, meaning you can decline procedures.

are procedures during pregnancy necessary

What Procedures to Decline During Pregnancy 

1- Nuchal Translucency Screening (Genetic Testing)

This is an ultrasound performed during weeks 11 and 13. It tells you the likelihood your baby may have certain medical conditions, such as Down’s syndrome.   Why Decline? This test is typically only 70-75% accurate. Additionally, ultrasounds heat tissue and it’s advised to be avoided during the first 13 weeks of pregnancy.  Also, if you feel like having a baby with a condition such as Down’s syndrome would not affect your decision to continue your pregnancy, then it’s even more unnecessary.

2- Glucose Testing

Let me start by prefacing that you aren’t all out declining to take a glucose test. Looking at your glucose levels during pregnancy is actually very important.  What you would be declining is the bottled drink they offer to all pregnancies.  Why Decline? There are many other healthier alternatives to the bottled drink. The bottled glucola drink has a high amount of chemicals and an unrealistic amount of sugar that the normal human body would consume. Because of that, many women have false positives during the one hour test, and have to repeat, adding more chemical and more sugar. Learn about your glucose alternatives here. 

3- Third Trimester Ultrasounds

A late-term ultrasound refers to any ultrasounds after week 24. The excitement of wanting to see your baby before birth is why most women will accept this type of ultrasound. Why Decline? Studies show that late term ultrasounds have been linked to an increase in caesarean section. Additionally, when used to determine size or dating of baby. Late term ultrasounds are highly likely to be off in dating up to 2 weeks and as much as 2 pounds. Studies have shown that late term ultrasounds are off as much as 20-30%.

4- Internal Exams

This is one of the most common procedures done during the third trimester, especially in the last 4 weeks; however, it’s also one of the most unnecessary. It’s also done throughout labor if you labor in a hospital, but you can decline all of these. Why Decline? For one, they can be extremely painful. They also increase the risk for infection. But more importantly, the information obtained during an external exam can change so rapidly, it makes the results obtained void. Also, if done during the last 6 weeks, it is linked to a higher increase in caesarean section. Simply put – Doctors are typically trying to see how effaced and dilated you are; however, you can go from 1cm to 10cm in 60 minutes or it may take 4 weeks, so there’s no need to have any of these done.

5- Early Induction

Also known as an elective birth.  This is where you decide to speed up the birth of the child, typically before or around 38 weeks.  Why Decline? For starters, babies truly need to be born on their own schedule.  Some babies come “early”; however, most births happen at 40 weeks or later, especially during a first pregnancy. When babies are forced to come earlier, they can suffer from a variety of medical conditions, such as breathing problems and jaundice, as well as being more likely to end up in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit).

6- Unnecessary Induction

You’ve made it to 40 weeks! YAY! That doesn’t mean that you automatically need to schedule an induction. In fact, you should wait. One case where you shouldn’t wait is pre-eclampsia. However, many women are induced for convenience, to either the parents or doctor. This type of induction is unnecessary and even dangerous. Why Decline? In fact, up to 60% of mothers who induce unnecessarily end up having an emergency caesarean. Inductions speed up a more painful labor, leading to an epidural which slows down pregnancy and the downward spiral continues. One study found babies born from an induction were almost 65% more likely to end up in neonatal intensive care unit.

things I have to do during pregnancy

7- Epidurals

An epidural during labor is a needle that places anesthesia into a women’s spinal canal. It allows a mother to be awake but feel little to no pain below the point it’s placed. Why Decline? For starters, epidurals slow down labor. The longer you are in labor in a hospital, the higher your risk of caesarean. Also, depending on the length of your labor, an epidural placed early on in your labor may deliver too much medication and hinder your ability to push. An alternative is learning breathing techniques and considering a water birth.

8- Continuous Fetal Monitoring

Ever been sick and forced to lay in bed all day? IT SUCKS! Now, imagine having painful contractions and not being able to move around. During continuous fetal monitoring and electronic band is hooked around your stomach and records your baby’s heartbeat. Why Decline? Being restricted in your movement has an increased risk of caesarean.  Additionally, it’s best for a mother to be able to move around, listen to her own body, and get into a labor position that is ideal for her body and baby.  Ask if your hospital has wireless monitoring or can do intermittent monitoring (monitoring for 10 minutes on, 50 minutes off).

9- Routine IV Hook-up

For many women, continuous monitoring and IV-hook up go hand in hand.  But the truth is that it doesn’t have too. Why Decline? Once you are hooked up to a monitor, you are tethered to a pole, reducing the ability to really move in the desired position your body wants too. Instead, ask for the option of a saline lock (or Hep-Lock). It’s a IV catheter put into your vain. Then it is flushed with saline and capped off. This allows you to move freely while also allowing medical teams to quickly hook up an IV if it’s truly necessary.

10- Breaking Your Water

Sometimes an obstetrician will tel you this is routine or can shorten labor time.  Why Decline? Studies, however, have shown that this can strengthen contractions leading to breathing complications and reduced heart rate for babies. Once a baby’s heart rate drops, your risk for caesarean section greatly increases. For many mothers, their water will break naturally during labor and in some cases, babies will be born in caul. Neither of these warrant medical intervention.

11- Episiotomy 

An episiotomy is when a cut is made to the opening of the vagina to enlarge the space for the baby’s head to come out. In very, very rare cases this may be needed. Specifically, to use forceps in order to quickly get a baby out and avoid a caesarean. Why Decline? However, if your doctor wants to just do an episiotomy because they see you may tear, it’s unnecessary. They actually take longer to heal than a natural tear, the risk for infection is increases, and complications from sewing the cut afterwards are likely. This is something you should ask your care provider about before labor.

12-Automatic Repeat Caesarean

A Vaginal Birth After Caesarean (VBAC) is highly, highly possible for most women. More than 75% of women who go for a VBAC are successful. Some doctors will try to say a VBAC is not an option, but there are always options for different care providers. Why Decline? Caesareans are major surgery and the more often a caesarean is preformed, the great the risks are to the mother. Recovery time is also reduced for vaginal deliveries.  Check out ICANN for more information on VBACs.

risks during pregnancy

Final Thoughts on Procedures to Decline During Pregnancy

The overall idea is to decline unnecessary procedures that force you into a cookie cutter mold of pregnancy. With the rising rates of American maternal and infant mortality, it’s important to look at why this is happening. One reason is that with normal pregnancies that don’t need these procedures, the risk of caesarean rises. If we can continue to speak for our rights as women, we will hopefully start to see those numbers decline.

These resources may help you delve deeper into this topic:


25 Ways to Practice Self-Care After Kids Go To Bed

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25 Ways to Practice Self-Care After Kids Go To Bed are simple, lost cost solutions to get more self-care back into your life. 

ways to practice self-care Affiliate links contained in this post help us to earn a commission to keep this site running. Thank you for your support.

I remember when I first got pregnant, I swore nothing would be different.  It’s just a little baby, how much could life really change.  Fast forward, five years, and life has determined that to be a lie. Parenting has been the most challenging, yet most rewarding experience I’ve ever had in my life.  I wouldn’t change it for the world. However, within the last year or so, I’ve pushing for me more.

I struggled with undiagnosed postpartum depression and anxiety with my first and diagnosed, but worse the second time around. One thing that didn’t click with me for the longest time was that I was doing nothing for self-care. Before having kids, there was so many little things that I would do that there no longer seemed to be time for. Thankfully, with the help of some amazing people who came into my life over the last two years, I’m prioritizing self-care.

My friend Alice said it best when she said that prioritizing herself is important “so that I can be my best self for others too.” That includes our family, friends, co-workers and anyone that we come in contact with throughout the day.

Today, I wanted to share with you 25 Ways to Practice Self-Care After Kids Go To Bed

ways to practice self-care after kids go to bed

We asked some of our favorite mom friends for their self-care ideas that help them the most. All of these ideas are low-cost or free things that you can do in your own home after the kids go to bed. I’m fully aware that for many, leaving the house isn’t an option. But there’s still plenty of ways to practice self-care.

  1. Make Homemade Hot Chocolate, make sure to add extra marshmallows (and maybe some Baileys)
  2. Take A Bubble Bath (add in some DIY Bath Bombs for even more relaxation)
  3. Doodle
  4. Try a DIY Exfoliating Salt Scrub
  5. Put Earbuds in and listen to your favorite podcast or music while blocking out all other noise
  6. Do your nails with a simple polish or get a gel look
  7. Take class on YouTube – like yoga, learn how to cook something new, crocheting tutorial, etc)
  8. Binge your favorite show or classic favorite teenage movie
  9. Rearrange a Space to give it a new look and new feel
  10. Color Under a Fort (it still makes you just as happy as it did when you were 10)
  11. Declutter a Space
  12. Meditate
  13. Re-learn how to breathe using a breathing app
  14. Journal your thoughts
  15. Read a book you’ve been wanting to for the longest time
  16. “Window-shop” on Amazon and make a wishlist of cool things you find
  17. Bake Something that makes you happy to eat
  18. Make something that brings our your artistic side (painting, needlework, sewing)
  19. Enhance the smell of your house by using essential oils in a diffuser or burning incense
  20. Play music that takes you back to a fun and happy time
  21. Do a 10-20 minute workout from a YouTube video (Zumba is a fun one)
  22. Deep condition your hair or do a mud mask facial
  23. Listen to a motivational speaker
  24. Garden
  25. Just sit for a few minutes in silence (this is paired well with #13)

Just find a way to get a few minutes in every day.

I get it.  Taking time for yourself isn’t easy.  But you owe it to yourself to attempt to take a few minutes each day and do something for yourself.  These are all ways that you can practice self-care without ever leaving your house and that cost little to nothing.

how to practice self-care

 Special thanks the following friends for help with this 25 Ways to Practice Self-Care After Kids Go To Bed post: 

A Whole Story, Ok Dani, BernettaStyle, Bianca Dottin, Hustle or Hyde, And Starring As Herself….MrsRKFJ, Anointed Heels, Mia Cupcake, The Shirley Journey, Give An Eff, and Courtney’s Sweets

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