We're Parents

What do you REALLY need for breastfeeding?

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If you’re pregnant and plan to breastfeed, you’ve likely asked yourself this question.

What do you REALLY need for breastfeeding?

It’s really quite simple.

  1. A baby
  2. A boob

That’s actually it. You don’t even need two boobs (though it helps). Just one will do.

However, I know you really want to know what will help your transition go more smoothly. I’m not going to lie, the first 4-6 weeks is tough as you adjust and anything that you can do to make your life easier, I highly recommend. I’m not going to sit here and say that those first few weeks are sunshine and rainbows, and that breastfeeding isn’t going to hurt.  Who actually ever said that never breastfed before. While I’m being honest in that it isn’t an easy transition, I will say that it’s 100% worth the tough days.  I nursed our firstborn until just over 4 years old and I’m currently nursing our 23 month old.  Those strenuous days are well behind me and most of the time, I can barely recall those moments.

4 Things I Highly Recommend to Everyone 

  1. Nipple Cream.
    • I personally tried half a dozen or more brands over the two children. My #1 preference is Motherlove, however, for money saving I typically just buy the 3 pack of Earth Mama Angel Baby Brand.
    • Looking for a cheaper option?  You can use coconut oil or even just expressed milk on your nipples after every feeding.
  2. Reusable Nursing Pads
    • Don’t waste your time on buying disposable ones.  Not only are reusable better for the environment, they are so much softer and stay in place better.
  3. Boppy/Nursing Pillow
    • Tip: Buy this early on in your third trimester and use to support your growing belly throughout the last trimester. The shape really helps support your belly and baby once here.
    • Need a cheaper option? Just use the pillows you have in your home.
  4. Breastmilk Storage Bags
      • You will likely need to hand express in those first few weeks just enough to relieve the engorgement. Having breastmilk storage milks handy, will allow you to save the milk in those early days.


4 Things I Think Able Helpful but not Necessary

  1. Breast Shells
    • I had never even heard of breast shells before I was about to leave the hospital after having our first. Our nurse gave them to us and they saved me. They stop your nipples from rubbing on your clothes. During those first few days of adjusting, especially with your first, it allows you to be comfortable.
    • Need a cheaper option?  Just stay topless as often as possible.
  2. Milk Savers
    • This is the one product I regret not getting for either pregnancy.  I didn’t know about it with my first, but did with my second. Milk Savers collects milk from one side while you nurse of the other side.  Typically, this milk would just be lost in your nursing pad, but with Milk Savers it’s saved inside. Then, you can transfer to a storage bag and save. I have friend’s who use them and swear by them.
  3. The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding Book
    • The holy grail of breastfeeding books.  If you really want to read everything about breastfeeding this is the book for you.
    • Need a cheaper option? Almost all libraries carry this book.
    • Also check out KellyMom.com for a ton of breastfeeding information if you can’t afford the book
  4. Baby Carrier
      • I think every parent needs a baby carrier. It’s so much better for getting around, but it also makes breastfeeding a breeze.  I personally never used breastfeeding covers because our first daughter freaked out. However, using a carrier, allows me to nurse discretely and still keep going.


3 Things I Think Able Necessary Depending on Life

These last two things are either absolutely necessary or not depending on your life. If you are a mom who works in the home, then you don’t necessarily need a a breastpump or bottles. I personally never left for me than a few hours for the first 6 months of our girls life, and in those cases had a better outcome hand expressing; however, I know that’s not a realistic expectation for many.

  1. Manual Pump
    • I highly recommend if you are a working mom outside the home, you keep a manual pump inside your car.  You never know when you will forget a piece to an electric pump, but having a manual back up will always come in handy.
    • Standard Manual Pump like Medela is highly recommend.
    • New silicone pumps are taking over for easy use and storage purposes.
  2. Electric Pump
    • There’s so many options to have. We personally used a Lansinoh Double Electric.
    • Many moms love Freemies because you can discretely use them and keep working
  3. Bottles
      • Some kids are picky so you may have to try a few options.  We love the Kiinde system for storage and bottle usage.


Working Mom?

Check out our 25 Tips for Working Moms Who Want to Make Breastfeeding Work.

I personally never used nursing bras, tanks, or other clothes.  Instead, I opted for soft bras, regular tank tops, and regular shirts like v-necks that allowed for easy access. You can definitely grab all those if you like them more, but I chose to save money and not use them.

Here’s everything we mentioned in this post:


I Hope They Know

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It’s 9:00pm. I just got our baby down for the second time tonight.  I’m laying in the bed with one of our girls on either side of me. Listening to each breath they take, holding their soft hands, taking in the sweet scent of their growing bodies. In this moment, there’s no other place I’d rather be. Everything, in this very moment, is perfect.

But the day was not. 

Don’t get me wrong, there were absolutely beautiful moments to our day, but as I lie here reflecting, all I feel is an overwhelming sense of guilt about how I could have been such a better mom today.

I was grumpy when I woke up this morning.

I stayed up late the night before and in turn didn’t get as much sleep as I needed. I was short and lost my temper not even being up an hour. My oldest coming up to me and asking, “What’s wrong, mommy?”  Me, explaining to her, that I was just really tired. Her, telling me, that it’s okay I could rest, she’ll take care of her baby sister.

There was another time when I snapped about the toys. “Can you please just pick up the toys!?”  It’s never really about the toys. It’s the anxiety.  The anxiety of never having a clean enough house.  Never being able to keep up with the mess. Never being able to control things not going back in the order that I want them too.

Why did no one tell me about the anxiety before giving birth?

“Mommy, I cleaned up”.  I know she’s trying her hardest, but I look and just want to run away. She sees the look on my face and knows I’m disappointed. Not disappointed in her, although that’s how it comes across, but disappointed that I don’t have some magical wand that can fix all our problems.  Why can’t someone just make the anxiety and depression go away. It’s the cruelest thing that can happen to a mother. A mother that wants to be warm and loving and ends up being the complete opposite most days because the anxiety is all consuming.

I yelled today because they were just being sisters. 

Fighting over who gets the glittery pink Easter egg even though Easter has been over for weeks.  Fighting over who gets the the most toys on their egg hunt, or who gets to pick the next show on Netflix. Two sisters, playing a little too rough with each other until someone gets hurt.  And with each bickering moment, I find myself getting closer and closer to blowing my lid. I just want to feel like I can breathe for a moment without the stress. But I never feel like my body is calm.

I find myself walking to the garage and just standing there for a moment to gather my composure. Or sitting in the car for a moment after starting it before walking back in the house to grab the kids. Sometimes it’s so loud in my head that I can’t hear myself think and in turn I just scream. And while I scream at them I feel like this horrible person and immediately wish I could take it all back.  It doesn’t make anything better. My girls stand there confused and upset because the person who is supposed to love them unconditionally just hurt them.

Because I couldn’t control my emotions.

I hope they know it’s not their fault.

I hope they know there’s nothing they could have done better.

I hope they know they aren’t to blame for my actions.

I hope they know they are amazing.

I hope they know they are exactly what I need to model after.

I hope they know they are teaching me more than I could ever teach them.

I hope they know my love. 

My unconditional, dying, passionate love for them. And that because of them, I will wake up tomorrow and try to be a better mom to them all over again.  And I know that some days I will fail and I will fail miserably.  But I also know that some days, we will get it all right. And it’s those days that I hope they know they should hold close and remember. It’s those day I continue to strive for. I hope they know I love them.

For now, I’ll just lay here and whisper to them how much I do.

The New Moms Morning Routine

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This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Weave Made Media® and Hyperbiotics, but all my opinions are my own. #weavemade #HealthiestDaysAhead   http://my-disclosur.es/RgFrEH.”

I remember sitting at my baby shower with our first.  My sister made me up this awesome gift basket basket for things I would need postpartum.  Most of it, I understood.  There were pads and snacks, a notebook, chapstick, and so much more.  But there were a few things, like tucks pads and a peri bottle, that I looked in confusion as all the moms in the room busted out laughing.  They were all in on this secret that I had no clue about. But soon I would learn.

My sister, to the best of her ability, would guide me those 41+ weeks through my pregnancy.  Teaching me about what to expect both during pregnancy and postpartum.  Still, there was so much that she could never teach that I would just have to experience on my own. So much of parenting is learning as you go, however, you can also learn so much from others’ experiences.

Today, I want to share with you our New Moms Morning Routine.  Whether this is your first baby or your fifth, each time you have a new and unique adjustment period.  One of the best things that you can do for your mental health is to establish a morning routine as quickly as you can. Getting into a groove will leaving you feeling refreshed and ready to tackle every day with energy.

Here’s our New Moms Morning Routine in 5 simple steps.  

I promise if you do each of these things, you will feel much better every day. Not going to lie, not everyday will be sunshine and rainbows, but overall, much better! 

       1. Wash Your Face. 

  • Okay, if we are being honest here, you likely aren’t going to have time to shower every morning. While many other sites recommend meditating, exercising, or journaling, the truth is we don’t always have time for that.  We think those are great ideas, but simply washing your face in the morning will have you feeling like a new person.

      2. Make Yourself Breakfast. 

  • This doesn’t have to be something outrageous.  I’m not asking you to make yourself poached eggs with crepes and berry compote every morning (although that does sound delish). Make yourself a smoothie.  Hard boil eggs once a week and eat two throughout the week. Or even avocado toast. Breastfeeding?  Check out our lactation recipes. 

      3. Take a probiotic.

  • I honestly wish someone told me about probiotics when I was a young adult, even before having kids, but it wasn’t until I had given birth with my first that I learned about them. Probiotics have multiple functions, but in this scenario they provide temporary relief for anxiety, depression, and overall mental health. Hyperbiotics, a probiotic brand found at your local Target, encourages healthy, regular bowl movements (which if you’ve given birth know just how important help in that department is!).  The Pro-Moms blend is prefect for both pregnant and nursing moms because it encourages full nutrient absorption which aids in a healthier immune system. Pro-Moms also helps produce essential B vitamins and contains natural folate. It also doesn’t have to be refrigerated, so you can keep it by your bedside and always remember to take it.

      4. Take a postnatal vitamin (or continue your prenatal vitamins). 

  • You just had a baby! You body needs all those vitamins and nutrients replenished as quickly as possible.  It’s really important to continue taking your vitamins every day, but especially a quality postnatal or prenatal for the first 6 weeks after childbirth.

      5. Fill up a water bottle. 

  • I know some of you are going to hate me for this, but you need water. Put down the juice and soda, and pick up a bottle. Fill it with water as often as you need.  You should continuously feel hydrated and not parched. Drink until you feel quenched. Don’t care for water?  Try flavoring it (Pinterest has a bajillion different ideas) or try coconut water.  If you are a breastfeeding mama, I try to aim for 64oz a day.

A bit more

Everyone has heard to do the things above, except maybe the probiotics. Let me give you a bit more information about them. Hyperbiotics, a premium probiotic blend, is now available at Target. Their blends help by:

  • supporting your immune system response
  • optimizing your best digestive health.
  • promoting improved immunity
  • leading to more energy and clarity

Specifically speaking about Hyperbiotics formulas – they are vegetarian, non-GMO, free of lactose, gluten, and sugar. There’s also no soy, nuts, iron, artificial flavors or colors, and no preservatives. Also, unlikely many other probiotic companies, Hyperbiotics blends don’t have to be refrigerated, which means you can take them with you anywhere.  They use a patented manufacturing process called LiveBac® that guarantees their blends for 18 months after manufacturing with no refrigeration.

Hyperbiotics isn’t just for MOMS!  There’s a blend specifically for women and one for kids, as well as two additional blends for I encourage you to live healthier days by taking Hyperbiotics blend daily. #FollowYourGut to Target and purchase them today! To learn more about Hyperbiotics, visit www.hyperbiotics.com.

This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Weave Made Media® and Hyperbiotics, but all my opinions are my own. #weavemade #HealthiestDaysAhead   http://my-disclosur.es/RgFrEH.”

These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Probiotics support many facets of overall health when taken regularly as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle.

The Mommy Sleepover – Why You Need It

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The Mommy Sleepover and Why YOU Need It!

Every little girl waits in anticipation of her first sleepover. As soon as it’s over, she’s ready for another. We spend our entire childhood begging our parents to either let us stay at a friend’s house or let our friend stay with us. When we go off on our own, we frequently continue these sleepovers with our closest friends. Something happens though when we start living with a partner, in that these occurrences happen less and less. Eventually, sleepovers fade out entirely as we embrace adulthood and start families of our own.

But why?

Why do we do this? What says that, as grown adults, we can’t enjoy the company of other friends all night long, wake up and have breakfast, and go about our day. There was something so pure and joyous in eating your weight in pizza and snacks, pouring your hearts out about that cute boy, and seeing who could stay up the longest.

Why once you hit a certain age do sleepovers cease to exist?

The truth is…they don’t have too.  Insert: The Mommy Sleepover.

I remember meeting two of my best girlfriends a few years ago and they said they still had a “mommy sleepover”. I laughed and then I realized they were serious. What!? That’s genius. And I wanted in on it. Some time went by, but we eventually made plans for our first mommy/daughter sleepover a few months ago.

It was perfection!

The kids played with each other and partied until midnight when we eventually made them lay down (they clearly would have outpartied us). We had tons of food, wine, and movies. We reminisced about the music we listened to growing up and how it was completely inappropriate. (Hit play below at your own risk). We just enjoyed each other’s company.

The inner little girl in us all desperately wants to do this. There was something so refreshing about being able to stay up and gab all night with your closest friends.  Our souls felt reenergized after being able to not think about anything else but fun and friendship for an entire night. We were able to put away the anxiety and depression that each of us face at times thanks to maternal hormones throwing us all for a loop since birthing our children. And in the morning we were rejuvenated to take on the world again. Even if only for the 2.5 seconds before one of our kids started screaming at us again. 

So here’s your “double dare”. Grab a few of your closet friends. Then, plan out a date/time, food, and whose house your mommy sleepover will be out. We always choose to have our kids with us, but feel free to ditch them too! Then, let the fun begin!

Here’s some things that may help:


7 Things Moms Can Learn From April the Giraffe

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Congrats to April the Giraffe!

I hear it all the time,

  • “she was in labor for 4 days”,
  • “the baby got stuck”,
  • “my sister was confined to the bed”,
  • “I wasn’t allowed to eat”

Since when did giving birth become so medicalized.  Reading the comments as April the Giraffe was giving birth over the last few weeks, has made it clear that many think this is all normal. It’s sad really at the mundaneness that birth has become, especially in the United States.  Home births and midwives are seen as cooky, but drugging moms and strapping them to the bed is seen as perfectly normal.

Now, before there’s a witch hunt, I do know that there are plenty of medical reasons that a birth does need to be medicalized, but let’s not forget that out of developed nations, the United States is the only one increasing in maternal mortality rate, up 136% in the last 20 years, according to the World Health Organization. 

Here’s 7 Things Moms Can Learn From April the Giraffe:

  1. Don’t rush a baby
    • Babies know when their due date should be. Even if you know your exact conception date, you don’t know if your baby needs a few extra days or weeks to finish fully developing inside the womb. Just because you hit 40 weeks, doesn’t mean that is the end all be all. (Coming from a mom who carried her babies to 40+4 and 41 weeks)
  2. Walking helps get the baby out faster
    • Laying down on a bed is typically the worst thing a mom can do to deliver her baby faster and easier on the body.  Squatting, moving, walking, dancing, all help to get that baby in a proper position allowing your body to expel the baby easier.
  3. Your body knows what to do
    • One of the most amazing things to see happen while watching April the Giraffe give birth is that her body knew exactly what to do.  Hooves out, wait a few hours.  Head out, wait. Push a bit. Wait.  Push some more. Wait.  Birthing a baby takes time.
  4. Breach births can happen
    • Very few doctors are even trained to deliver breach births in this medical climate, but the fact of the matter is that mammals can and do give breach births.
  5. Interventions aren’t necessary
    • No one was in that room and that mama knew exactly what to do. Our bodies, for thousands of years, did not have all these interventions. While they are great in the extremest of situations, most births don’t warrant any interventions.
  6. It’s completely normal for mammals to eat parts of their birth
    • I’m sure I’m going to get flake for this one, but let’s not judge a mom who decides that placenta encapsulation is what’s best for her family. April the Giraffe was eating the sac around her baby, which just goes to show that what you may think is gross, isn’t naturally all that gross after all.
  7. Shit Happens
    • Literally.  My 4 year old was so grossed out that poop was falling onto the baby, but can we stop making this such a taboo thing.  Everyone poops. Now carry on.

I’m sure there’s more lessons we can learn, but there’s are just the ones that popped into my head immediately! Congrats to April the Giraffe on the birth of her adorable little one!  Now the hard part begins…naming that baby!

Colostrum is Enough

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colostrum is enoughColostrum is enough.  

If you don’t read anything else I write below, please tell yourself that colostrum is enough to nourish and feed your baby.

I was fortunate enough to have found an amazing support group of moms before having our first girl.  Not only were there experienced moms in my group, but there were L&D nurses, lactation consultants, doulas, midwives, and even an IBCLC with decades of experience.  I can’t say that I would have been as successful at breastfeeding without these groups and these amazing women standing by my side through every difficult moment, especially with my first.

It’s seem funny to think that I had times when I questioned myself or my milk as I’ve now breastfed for 1,500 consecutive days. However, there were absolutely times where I did. Most of those questions came in the first few weeks of having a child, but especially the first few days.

  • Why was my baby crying constantly?
  • Why was she sleeping so much?
  • Why did she nurse for 3 minutes, unlatch, and then cry again 5 minutes later?
  • Why did it seem like she was nursing every hour for an hour around the clock?
  • Why can I barely get anything out if I try to hand express? (or pump)

This and so many more questions filled my mind and that was only in the first 24 hours after birth. No one wants to starve their child, but our country also isn’t set up in a way that supports knowledge given out accurately either.  We seem to forget in our after-birth high that millions of women have done this before us in a time where formula wasn’t readily available.  Yet, in still, we allow formula reps to push sugar laden pre-made mixtures down the throats of this life we just created without question, because “they know best”.  Do they? Or is your body, the same body that created a new organ to nourish a new human being in a matter of months, actually know what it’s doing?

Please stop questioning your body’s ability to provide for your child.  

Colostrum is 100% enough to feed your baby until your milk comes in whether that’s day 1 or day 5. Whether you have a 5lb baby or a 10lb baby.

Colostrum is the yellowish, thick, milk that is extremely high in carbs, antibodies, and protein produce as the perfect first food for your baby. Colostrum also acts as a laxative to help pass stools in the early days, thus expelling meconium and bilirubin. While it’s low in volume, the more often you breastfeed those first few days, the faster your milk will come in.  Every time that you give formula instead of putting your baby at your breast, you are halting that process.

Your mature milk typically comes in around day three or four. For most moms, they are home by this time. Therefore, unless there is a medical emergency, there’s no reason why formula should be given to a breastfeeding mother in the hospital.

3 Goals for New Baby

  • Breastfeed 8-12 times every 24 hours after birth (the more the better).
    • Strictly breastfeeding mothers cannot overfeed their baby, but they can underfeed
  • Watch diaper output
    • Whether you can hand express or pump 1/2 teaspoon or 2 ounces doesn’t matter.  Every mother is different.  What matters is that your baby is peeing and pooping. Typically one wet and one dirty diaper for every day of life (1 diaper each on Day 1, 2 diapers each on day 2, etc).  Around day 4-5 when your milk starts to come in, you can expect at least 5-6 wet diapers a day.
  • Watch weight (the baby’s weight, not yours)
    • You will have a weight check at around 3 days, 1 week, 2 week.  If you received any fluids during your labor, this could inflate the baby’s weight loss and shouldn’t be counted towards birth weight.
    • Make sure they are using the same scale with the same amount of clothes every time (preferably naked)

Diaper output and weight are literally the only things you should be watching.  No matter how often the baby cries, no matter how often they unlatch and relatch, just nurse.

Grab a box of chocolates, a gallon of water, and hang out on the couch to binge watch your favorite Netflix series.

Remember, your baby’s stomach is the size of a marble on day one.  Not much needs to come out to fill that up!

size of newborn's stomach

Breastfeeding isn’t a cake walk, but your colostrum is enough. 

Disclosure: We are not a medical professional and the information offered here is our opinion based on our knowledge and education. If concerned, it’s best to seek out information on your own and speak with your own medical professionals that you trust. We always recommend seeing a lactation consultant for breastfeeding concerns. 


It Happened #RoadtoTubalat30

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roadtotubalat30

Read our Introduction to #RoadToTubalAt30 Series First here.

November 25, 2016.

Surgery day arrived.

I checked into the hospital around 11am (side note: not eating after midnight usually sucks, so I highly recommend scheduling the day after a holiday. I was still pretty full from Thanksgiving AND I had leftovers for after surgery!). After changing into the hospital gown, getting my vitals checked, and taking a pregnancy test (just in case), it was a waiting period. Of course that left me with nothing but time to think about the decision I was making even more. I was told my doctor would be in after she finished the current surgery she was doing. Once she came in, she asked one more time, “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” I commend them for making sure, but I was definitely over being asked by this point.

tubal-ligation-tubal-removal

It was around 12:30pm before I would be taken into surgery. The anesthesiologist came in and said they would be putting the medicine in my IV to knock me out. I don’t remember going past the curtain and the next thing I remember was waking up so thirsty.

The recovery begins. 

I remember feeling so much better than I imagined.  It felt like the worst period cramps I’ve ever had, but definitely better than what I felt like after giving birth. My throat (from being intubated) actually annoyed me more than anything. My entire stomach was orange from the iodine used to sterilize before surgery. I was swollen/bloated for about 4-5 days afterwards which is due to them expanding your stomach for the surgery. I was so tired for the next 48 hours.

iodine-tubal-ligation

I’ll admit I was really nervous when I first saw my incision sites. They looked disgusting to me. I was going to have these horrible scares for the rest of my life. Much to my amazement, I barely have anything now.

tubal-ligation-scar-recovery-photos

Especially the belly button site, you can barely see anything because the actual scare is inside of the belly button.

tubal-ligation-photos

There were some day that looked worst than others.  Dermabond, a surgical glue, was used instead of stitches, so when that started peeling I felt like I looked like someone off of a horror movie.

dermabond-tubal-ligation

Other than my scars, I was advised not to shower for 24 hours after surgery, afterwards I could shower, but not bathe. No driving until I felt comfortable moving my legs to switch back and forth. I did drive a week after surgery and the seatbelt irritated incision sites, but I’m great now.  I could not lift more than 10lbs and no intercourse for 2 weeks.

Full transparency – I tried my best but had to lift my toddler here and there, she was an awesome sport during the recovery though and did so much by herself, like climbing into her highchair or up on the couch without me asking.  I did sit with a pillow across my stomach when sitting or laying down in bed. It was the only time it really hurt was when one of the girls accidentally hit one of the sites.

We are now just shy of one month post surgery and I am amazed how I feel.  You can barely see any of my scars. I have no pain from any of them, and most importantly I no longer have the fear of getting pregnant again (though Andrew has definitely asked what if they didn’t do anything and just said they did —thanks babe). 

We are so happy with our decision. 

Thank you for reading through our #RoadtoTubalat30 journey.

If you missed any of the previous posts, you can read the entire series:

Feel free to tweet us at @wereparents or e-mail us at info@wereparentsblog.com if there’s any specific questions that weren’t answered that you’d like to know about.

Pin it! 

Don’t have time to read the whole series now? Pin it to read later.

roadtotubalat30-tubal-ligation

Worries, Doubts and Fears about a Tubal Ligation #RoadtoTubalat30

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roadtotubalat30

Read our Introduction to #RoadToTubalAt30 Series First here.

The seven days between scheduling and having our pre-op appointment was the biggest mix of emotions I’ve probably ever had in my life.  Every single day I questioned if I was making the right decision.

Most of the emotions surrounded the fact that I was going to be put under general anesthesia for the surgery and the fact that it was an invasive surgery. What if I didn’t wake up? What if I bled out? Andrew barely likes being alone with the girls while I run to the store. How would he handle them by himself? Both girls would immediately be weaned from breastmilk, which would be so traumatic for them.  My goal of homeschooling them would likely never happen. They’ve never been to daycare, what would happen, who would raise them?

So many questions.

Was I truly 100% sure that I would never want another child? Andrew and I were completely both in agreement, but there’s still that microcosm of wonder if it’s the right decision. We had two girls, but we both really wanted a boy.  If I did this, there would never be a chance for me to biologically have a son.

While we both agreed that this was the best way to keep our family together, there was that twinge in the back of everyone’s mind of “what if we aren’t together forever?” That could be from something happening to Andrew or us just physically not being in a relationship anymore. Would I miss out on love in the future if I told someone I couldn’t physically have children anymore?

Pre-op Day.

The worries, doubts, and fears surrounding the day only exacerbated when I went in for our pre-op appointment. It was the day that our doctor made sure this was 100% our decision, answered any questions, and explained the procedure. Thankfully, she didn’t push the issue of whether or not I was sure. I knew I was, so I was praying she didn’t lecture me on only being 30.  I asked a few questions like length of surgery, recovery time, etc. She then went on to explain the procedure and discuss a decision that I needed to make.

Still called a tubal ligation, I needed to decide if I wanted my tubes tied versus removed. They now recommend completely removing the tubes instead of “tying” or “burning” them. The main reason she stated was because it lowers the risk of ovarian cancer since it often starts in the tubes. Without tubes, you also remove the risk of an ectopic pregnancy. Surgery time would increase by about 10-15 minutes and I would have one additional incision site (3 instead of 2).

The biggest thing was without tubes there was 0% chance of ever getting pregnant again. There were no questions, no possibility of a reversal, it was a 100% lasting decision. Given that the benefits far outweighed any risks, we decided for a complete tubal removal. We kept the surgery on schedule and the next 11 days would continue to pose all of these questions even more until it was surgery day.

Stay tuned…..

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be writing about our decision for me to undergo a tubal ligation at 30 on Mondays and Wednesdays (2 times a week). You can follow along with #RoadtoTubalat30 – 

If you missed any of the previous posts, you can read the entire series:

I hope you’ll follow along!  Feel free to tweet us at @wereparents or e-mail us at info@wereparentsblog.com if there’s any specific questions that you hope we answer over the next few posts.

The Scare #RoadtoTubalat30

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Read our Introduction to #RoadToTubalAt30 Series First here.

October 9, 2016. The scare of my life came.

Andrew and I had already decided that we wouldn’t be having any more kids.  After the ups and downs over the last year and a half, we couldn’t go through anymore stress to our relationship. We wanted a happy home with happy kids who were raised by both parents.  We knew another child would likely ruin that from happening.

For a week prior to this date, I was cramping and nauseous. Originally, I didn’t think anything about it. I was 16 months postpartum and still hadn’t gotten my period yet, so it had to be coming back and that’s why I was experiencing these feelings. After a week though, just for giggles, I decided I’d take a pregnancy test.  I had one left in the house from the time I became pregnant with the baby. I peed on the stick and walked away.  I knew it was going to be negative.  I was breastfeeding two kids, I was taking my birth control religiously, and I hadn’t had my period yet (yes, I know periods aren’t an indication of ovulation…but still). 

I walked back in after the designated time period to a positive test. I immediately text my best friend this….

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This wasn’t a “take a guess and let me know if you see a faint line” type of pregnancy test. This was a big, fat, digital YES.  Andrew had the same reaction when I told him. Holy shit, what happened. I immediately welled up with huge crocodile tears.  I remember telling him, “I can’t go through this again.” I knew we could not have another child, despite my never-ending love for my girls.

I went out and bought two more tests.  I took another one that evening and another the next morning.

Both said negative.

Now, we were really confused.  How could I start processing these emotions if I didn’t even know? After the negative test that morning, I waited until my doctor’s office opened and called for an appointment.  Luckily, they could get me in the same day. The test in the office was again, negative.  The doctor told me it was likely a false positive, even though that’s insanely rare, especially with a digital test.  She recommended that I wait a week, and test again.

While I was there, I asked if we could talk about having a tubal done. I kid you not, my doctor literally bust out laughing when I said this. She said that was definitely an option, but gave me information about various IUDs as an alternative she wanted me to consider.

On November 2, I ended up going off my birth control for the reasons I discussed in our last post.  Within a few days of going off my birth control pills, I could tell I was feeling like a better person.  I spent the next few days thoroughly researching all of my options, asking for opinions, and just doing my due diligence.  Ultimately, I decided that a getting my tubes tied was the best option for my family.  I read and heard personal stories about negative side effects of the various IUDs, including unexpected pregnancies and that wasn’t something I was willing to risk. On November 7, I called to schedule for my tubal ligation. I was thinking in my head they would schedule it for sometime in the beginning of 2017.

The nurse came back on the line, “Can you do the day after Thanksgiving? The 25th?”

Me: “Umm…(hesitation)..sure.”

Me in head: “Holy crap.  That’s in 18 days.”

We scheduled my pre-op appointment for November 14th. The next 7 days were an extreme mixed bag of emotions.

Stay tuned…..

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be writing about our decision for me to undergo a tubal ligation at 30 on Mondays and Wednesdays (2 times a week). You can follow along with #RoadtoTubalat30 

If you missed any of the previous posts, you can read the entire series:

I hope you’ll follow along!  Feel free to tweet us at @wereparents or e-mail us at info@wereparentsblog.com if there’s any specific questions that you hope we answer over the next few posts.

The Last 18 Months #RoadtoTubalat30

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Read our Introduction to #RoadToTubalAt30 Series First here.

I’m just going to get right to the point. The last 18 months have been a rocky up and down nightmare. We have had amazing moments, we have had celebrations, but we’ve had tormenting lows as well. I debated sharing this post for just as long. Ultimately, as a blogger though, my goal is to let other families, especially mothers, with this series, know they aren’t alone. While so often, we don’t talk about these feelings, it’s insanely common for them to be the reality of many moms. 

I remember driving to my 6 week postpartum appointment.  I told my practitioner how I’d been feeling, I answered the survey they give. She said it all sounded normal and to call back if anything changed. Looking back on this moment, I wish I would have spoken up. I walked to the car, buckled the girls into their seats, and just cried. I knew something was wrong, I knew that this was more than “baby blues”, but I didn’t speak up louder.

Nothing changed, but nothing got better. 

For the next four and a half months I was on, what felt like, a roller coaster. I had these amazing moments with my kids and with Andrew, but when it wasn’t amazing, it was terrible. There was no in between. I yelled constantly. Everything annoyed me. I felt let a horrible mom. The foggy feelings would leave me so helpless I didn’t want to leave the house and the mood swings left me questioning my ability to raise my girls in a stable home, as well as hurt my relationship.

I was paranoid of everything which left me terrified to do anything.

I remember standing, making sure the garage door closed all the way because I was scared if I didn’t watch it go all the way down that someone would slide under the door before it closed. These were the types of thoughts I had. Every time, I would tell myself how crazy I was being, but I couldn’t shake it. These episodes would last weeks at a time and effect so much of my personal and professional life. Around 6 months postpartum, I couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t normal. I had to put my personal feelings aside and seek help.

I was diagnosed that day with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety. 

That still seems so weird to say. I wasn’t supposed to have this.  I wasn’t supposed to be affected. Our life was (is) great. We have two healthy kids, a beautiful house we’re remodeling, a thriving business, etc. It just went to show me that this disease can affect anyone. I went on medication that day and within a week I was feeling like a better person. My mood swings, all but disappeared.  Don’t get me wrong, I still got upset with my kids, I still yelled occassionally, but for once I felt like a normal mom instead of a monster. Many of my fears went away that day. My feelings were validated and my children weren’t taken from me. I firmly believe I didn’t speak up sooner because I was terrified someone was going to take my kids.

Unfortunately, for the next year, I would still go on to have these foggy episodes, which I later learned were severe anxiety attacks, rendering me almost helpless for weeks at a time. Shortly after learning this, a friend told me that she was experiencing similar feelings and her midwife told to stop taking her birth control. We were on the same birth control, so when I asked her some odd weeks later how she was feeling and she told me much better, I knew it was something I at least had to try.  I had already decided by this point that we wouldn’t be having any more children because I couldn’t go through a similiar experience with now a newborn AND two other kids. I stopped by birth control, but still currently taking my medication for the PPD. It’s been a little over 2 months now and I haven’t had any anxiety attacks since then. Our lives have been even more normal now than ever before and I’ve been so grateful to feel a sense of normalcy returning.

I’ve questioned now if I wasn’t on the same birth control after having both of our girls, if our lives would have been different and I would have wanted to try one more time for another baby.

Stay tuned…..

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be writing about our decision for me to undergo a tubal ligation at 30 on Mondays and Wednesdays (2 times a week). You can follow along with #RoadtoTubalat30 

If you missed any of the previous posts, you can read the entire series:

I hope you’ll follow along!  Feel free to tweet us at @wereparents or e-mail us at info@wereparentsblog.com if there’s any specific questions that you hope we answer over the next few posts.

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