**Disclaimer: This post is in no way trying to discourage creating tiny miracles, just my friendly PSA
Ok so I admit…I was ECSTATIC when I found out I was prego. Much more excited than Andrew. I had grown up around kids my entire life. And someone I was close to was ALWAYS pregnant. I wanted that pregnancy glow.
My cousin’s wife had 4 beautiful girls in less than 8 years and my sister was working on her third baby in less than 7. I mean seriously as many people that I knew that were having kids, pregnancy had to be incredible RIGHT?
Please don’t get me wrong. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being pregnant and feeling this baby move all around. But seriously!? Someone couldn’t have told me about these symptoms? Thanks.
Let me just be the one to put it out there….NO ONE in life ever prepares you for the not so glamorous parts of pregnancy. Everyone talks about how incredible it is to be pregnant (up until labor that is) and having that “natural glow”.
For starters, I was the phone with my mom a little bit ago. She said something super funny. I laughed pretty hard. Then it came…we’ll call it “light bladder leakage”. The common feeling that I now know every pregnant woman faces. Increased vaginal discharge. Every time you laugh, sneeze, or cough you run the risk of it coming out….or maybe I just peed myself…Damn, I can’t tell anymore. Time to change your underwear.
And speaking of changing your underwear. You Sweat. Uncontrollably. We just went through the some of the hottest days consecutively ever on record and it was miserable to go out. Every time I would go outside and come back in I would have a ridiculous amount of sweat built up in my shorts.
Insert time to change underwear again.
I just went to the bathroom. I literally walked out of the bathroom, sat back down to finish writing this…and I have to pee again already. And it’s not like a steady stream of pee either.
It’s 5 drops….. every time.
However, those 5 drops make me feel like I have to go so bad I am about to have a gallon of pee come out.
Because of this make sure that you just go to Costco and buy 20 packs of their jumbo sized toilet paper. Because it’s inevitable with peeing this much that you go through more toilet paper in 9 months than you have in the past 15 years.
Acne…I have only ever gotten acne when I eat too much fried foods or too many sweets. Now I can’t even get rid of it on my face no matter what I try. Then one day after the shower, I was drying off my back. What was that I felt? Oh great….now I have back acne. Wonderful.
You and your significant other argue about something. You cry. Or maybe you are explaining something that makes you really happy. You cry again. You watch TV and see anything remotely sappy. You cry again. You read a story online. Again, cry. You get the point. Repeat everyday.
Time to talk hair. I feel like I’m competing for the fuzzy bear award. Seriously…where does all this hair come from? I used to shave my legs every couple of days. Now, I’m lucky if it lasts a day. Then I look down at my expanding mid section. What is this I see? Oh …that’s hair growing around my belly button. Great. To top it off, now I can’t even reach my lady area very well. I’m debating on letting Andrew use his barber’s shaver (the only way he said he would consider helping me).
You will never be comfortable sleeping again in any position. Enough said about that.
Passing gas— whether through your mouth or booty, it will no longer be a private affair. Even if you try your hardest it will come out…unexpectedly at some point in time. Including standing in an aisle in a busy store with multiple people around…hopefully you have your significant other around to blame it on.
My boobs itch constantly. Then their sore. I look in the mirror and feel I no longer need to worry about the boob job I occasionally considered, because mine are now naturally the size of any girl I’ve ever seen with one (minus Pam Anderson types) which makes me smile,,, sometimes. Then I touch them to see if they are indeed real and remember that they are sore again.
Then I think to myself…you aren’t even in your 3rd trimester….what is bound to happen next? It terrifies me to think about because I can’t get one image out of my head.
What image you ask?
The one where my legs are spread eagle in front of a dozen people I’ve never met in my life, my fiance by my side when I suddenly poop ….
For all of you already mommies out there…please share your “glamour” stories below 🙂