The Second Pregnancy – Beyond the Smile

I keep having to remind myself it’s the second pregnancy.

Everything is different.

Different babies. Different house. Different point in our lives.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.

I put a smile on my face and most of the time I genuinely am ecstatic. Feeling this little one inside me moving around gives me the same joy I had when pregnant with Skibbles.

But that doesn’t mean beyond the smile there aren’t so many mixed emotions.

I’m more tired than I ever imagined.
I’m literally exhausted. Chasing after a toddler. Keeping up with a house 3x the size of our old apartment. A growing business. It’s all pushed me to the point of just being run down.

But there’s that toddler….
Full of spunk and energy and creating her own way in life. Not meaning to annoy me or wear me down, but just being a two year old. I keep reminding myself that. She doesn’t realize the worry.

The worry.
How will I manage two. What in the hell was I thinking wanting to have another baby. How will I divide my attention? How will I love both of them equally? What do I do when they are both crying? …..What if all three of us are crying?….

I’m crying now.

It’s the second pregnancy. I’m well into my second trimester and I haven’t even gotten anything ready.  There’s been no prepping, there’s no painted nursery or weekly pictures detailing every moment of this one’s journey. No thoughts of belly casting or henna tattoos…..

Feeling like I’m neglecting this emotionally charged joyous moment in my life when all the sudden Skibbles closes her eyes, puts her hand on my belly, and the baby growing inside me gives her sister’s hand a little kick.

Welcome to Time for Mom!