If today was your child’s last day is a post dedicated to all the mom’s out there who have lost a child, but especially to my best friend. 

Trigger Warning: Child Loss. 

You likely woke up today and it was a normal day for you. Rushing around and getting everything done that you need to do. There’s always errands, always cleaning, and someone always seems to need to be feed. You make a list of everything you need to get done and yell at your kids for the 20th time to get their dang shoes on so you can leave the house. The mundane nature of day in and day out is exhausting, but you keep plugging along. Whether you work from home or work outside the home, homeschool or send your kids off, are a CEO or stay-at-home parent, we all have a ton of things that need done.

There’s always something that needs done. As soon as you finish the last load of laundry, someone throws something in the hamper.  When the last dish is washed, someone finishes a snack. The moment that you’ve finally mopped all the floors, someone runs in from playing outside in the mud. Precisely as you scrub all the toilets, someone has to poop. When you finally save up enough for a weekend away, someone needs new soccer cleats or money for a field trip. It’s never ending. And if you focus on it too much, you’ll continue pushing everything off.

But what if today was your child’s last day?

If you woke up today and someone told you that today was your last day with your child, how would you handle things differently? It’s easy to say, “well, there’s always tomorrow.” However, we know that tomorrow is never promised.  It’s hard to even fathom thinking about that when it comes to our children, but the truth is that the next minute is never promised. Most days we take that for granted.

But today may be your child’s last day. Unfortunately, that’s just the reality of life. For my best friend, that day came a year ago today. It’s easy to love someone until it’s no longer an option. Think about that. It was easy for everyone who met her sweet boy to fall in love, but for many of us it’s no longer an option to love on her sweet boy. And while I know she gave her sweet boy everything he needed in life, her reality is different now.

While I can say that I have been far from perfect, there have been multiple things I’ve learned over the past year.

I’ve learned that as much as I can I should: 

• Read that extra book at bedtime
• Dance with my children when they ask
• Stop doing chores when they ask to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie together
• Say I love you a dozen more times
• Let them pick out anything they want in the store
• Put the phone down and play Candyland for the millionth time
• Shut the computer and play playdoh
• Try to do the monkey bars again and swing myself at the playground because it brings them joy
• Use that extra money I’ve been saving up to just take the trip now. TAKE THE TRIP NOW.
• Not get upset at the spilt cup of milk all over my couch after they know they weren’t supposed to have anything in the living room, but rather teach about grace
• Let them stay up past their bedtime
• Stop for ice cream just because
• Have a yes day (say yes to everything they ask for)
• Get in the pool and teach them to flip or play Marco Polo
• Give them a second lollipop
• More surprises
• More time
• and lots of More memories

Not every day will not be perfect. But even if you did one more thing every day, said yes to one more thing, didn’t get upset about one more thing…then, the lives of your family in difficult times may feel like you allowed a fulfilling life for your littles.  If today was your child’s last day how would you do it differently?

Background about the post: 

My best friend lost her sweet boy Beau at 27 months old on August 30, 2017 unexpectedly. Beau was born with a condition called Myotubular Myopathy. There is currently no cure for MTM. To learn more about Myotubular Myopathy you can visit the Joshua Frase Foundation.  To learn more specifically about Beau, please, visit Beau’s Brave Journey. #BraveBeau #MTMStrong

Rethinking growing up is a story about how we force kids into making decisions too early about their life choices while not allowing the the freedom to explore their passions. 

This post is made possible with support from AARP’s Disrupt Aging. All opinions are my own.

The Struggle of Putting Children into One Box

I remember going into high school, we were told that we had to pick a career path.  It was so easy for me. I knew I wanted to be pre-med. I had said I wanted to be a doctor from around the age of 4 my mom always tells everyone. So I signed up, and was excited to work towards my goal of being a neonatologist. Then, I decided around my sophomore year, that I wanted to take a photography class.  I have always loved pictures and the stories that can be told around them. I wanted to learn how to take better pictures and develop them myself. My idea of learning more about a passion I had was quickly shot down.  It wasn’t within my career path, so I couldn’t take the course.

I was devastated. My life had been defined by one thing and one thing only and I was only 14 years old. 

When I went to college and got my pre-med schedule for my first semester, I quickly knew that this wasn’t going to be the career path for me. Essentially, I had just spent that last four years of my life, for nothing. I switched my major two more times before ending up with a degree in Criminology with an English minor. I used my degree for 3 years.

Fast forward — today I use my minor (which I obtained because I took so many electives because I loved writing) and that photography class sure would have come in handy since I’ve had to teach myself everything I know thus far. That one class in high school could have completely changed my life. Definitely, a lot sooner than waiting until I was 26 to pursue something that I thought could have been a passion when I was 14 years old.

Rethinking Growing Up 

While Andrew doesn’t have exactly the same story, he did also go through two years of college before even deciding what he wanted to do. Our experiences have shaped how we look at our own children and what we want for them in terms of growing up.

• We want to ensure that we allow them to explore all their options from early on in life.

  • This means that every year they may do something new – whether that’s sports, or arts, or exploring. Just because they’ve done soccer before, doesn’t mean that’s the only sport they can do from now on in life

• Making sure they have real life skills that will ensure they succeed no matter what

  • As parents, we’ve both said that there were multiple things we wish we knew before leaving home. Life skills that simply weren’t taught to us. Whether it’s cooking, doing taxes, balancing a checkbook, changing oil in a car, or learning to sew, we want to set our girls up with success for life.  One of the most important things being how to talk to people – networking, placing orders, etc.

• We won’t force them into college. 

  • Andrew and I both think that college is a great thing, but it’s not the only thing. We both joke that the only great thing that came out of college was us meeting each other.  Otherwise, we could have done what we do at a much lower price. Whether they choose trade or tech school, no school at all, college, Ivy league – we want them to know that there are multiple ways to be successful.

• Experiences are more valuable than things

  • It took Andrew and I a long time to realize this. However, being able to go explore a new city or do an activity together, like canoeing for the first time. Zip lining across the forest or traveling to bucket list countries. Those things will build you up more than buying new things that you don’t really need. Focus on those things is what we want our girls to do.

• No matter your age, you can always make a change

  • One of the most important take aways we want to ensure in our kids’ lives is that whether they are 5, 25, 55, or 75, if they want to do something new, they can. Whether it’s a career path, a new hobby, or an adventure, their current age doesn’t define them anymore than it did before.

At this stage of life, I realize I can change what I want to do in life, what my passions are, even now. I want my kids to know that they aren’t defined into one career at any one age. We are free to explore and change our path no matter our age. What really matters is happiness.  When you find what truly makes you happy, everything else in life will start to fall into place. Rethinking growing up isn’t easy, but it’s going to be invaluable to this generation that we are raising. 

Talking to Young Kids About Sex doesn’t have to be complicated! Learn about a new and exciting way that it can be super simple, yet educational and eye-opening for everyone!

Disclosure: This post has been compensated through a partnership with AMAZE and Women Online. 

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

via GIPHY

OMG! My four year old wants to take about SEX!

via GIPHY

LA LA LA LA LA! THIS ISN’T HAPPENING. NOPE! WE’RE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS.

HOLD UP A SECOND! Breathe! 

Let’s rewind 20,30, 40 years ago to when we were kids.  *Most* (not all) of our parents refused to even come close to this conversation. Our male and female reproductive organs had funny names like “sussie” and “pee-pee”. Babies came from storks. And you weren’t allowed to even date until you were 55. I know not all households were like this, but it describes mine and so many of those I know.  Shoot, my mother still gets uncomfortable when my now 3 and 5 year olds say penis and vagina. I remember getting my period and having no idea what was happening or how it played into the overall reproduction system. I remember any sexual exploration was a sin and not only wasn’t discussed, but was shunned. It lead to a host of problems over my teenage years.

I knew when I became a parent, things would be different.  And even though I only have a toddler and a pre-schooler, it already has been.  Both of my girls know that babies grow in your belly, but often times comes out of your vagina (unless an emergency). They know to call reproductive organs penises and vaginas, and that there’s nothing weird about those, just like there is nothing weird about a shoulder or leg. And they know that every month, I have a menstrual cycle and that one day they also will.

We literally teach our kids everything.  So, why should this be any different?

We teach them though play.

We teach them through physical actions and showing them.

And we teach them through conversations in a messy living room while doing everything else we have to do. About everything in life from how to treat each other to their ABCs to exploring sexuality.

It Still Hasn’t Been Easy

Despite me knowing that I wanted to do better, doesn’t mean that everything has been easy either.  I (and their dad) are trying our best to navigate this in ways that we weren’t taught. That means, however, they we have to break down our own stereotypes, misconceptions, and uneasiness. They are young, so we haven’t had a ton of questions, but they are starting to pop up more and more. “but how does the baby get inside a mama’s belly?” and “but I don’t want to bleed like you” are recent things that happened. I know that in the next few years, more exploration or their own bodies and more questions are going to happened. And they aren’t necessarily going to be any easier. So what can we do?

Insert AMAZE! 

Almost two years ago, AMAZE launched to help provide accurate and inclusive sex ed videos for 10-14 year olds. Backed by leaders in the sexual health space, it takes a look at the basics and more complicated aspects of sex ed. Some of the topics are gender expression, sexual orientation, gender identity, and puberty. The topics are explored in a series of short animated videos geared towards this age.

But what about my age kids?  I don’t want to wait until 10 to have these conversations.  I want them to start now and I want them to learn factual information. Also, by them learning now, and through their parents, it forces us to be the primary sexuality educators. It opens dialogue from an early age and then the hope is that our girls will come to us throughout the years for more information, questions, concerns. Always keeping that line of communication open that I didn’t have is the goal.

AMAZE Parent Playlist

This summer AMAZE has introduced the Parent Playlist geared for parents of children 4-9 years old. In a series of videos, it helps parents engage and answer young children’s questions in an open and honest format. And most importantly, an age-appropriate way.

Topics on the Parent Playlist include:

• “Where Do Babies Come From”
• “How Do you Talk to Young Kids About Sex”
• “Is Playing Doctor OK”
• What If They Don’t Ask
• and more

Here’s an example video:

There are currently 10 animated videos in the AMAZE Parent Playlist that help parents know how best to talk with children about sex, healthy relationships, and growing up.

It’s time to get over our fear and embarrassment to raise this generation in an easy way. I’ve already watched some of the videos and I’m already loving what I’ve learned, how to explain it age-appropriately, and that sometimes (MOST OF THE TIME) we are over analyzing the questions that we are being asked. I love that AMAZE gives me a different way to look at things and makes talking to young kids about sex so much easier.

Head over to AMAZE website and start watching the videos on the Parent Playlist. Or if you have older children, please let them watch the older videos! 

Please share this information and the website with your friends so they too can help feel easier about speaking to their kids!

You can also Follow @AMAZEParents on Facebook or @AMAZEorg on Pinterest