The Unspoken – What To Do When Your Child Doesn’t Speak

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No one prepares you for that moment. I didn’t read about what to do when my son doesn’t start talking in any books while I was pregnant.

We didn’t notice that anything was wrong until we hung out with his younger cousin. She was saying several words and he had yet to say mama or dada. She was running around smiling, laughing, and calling after her mama, saying ball, baby and bubba. Jace wasn’t saying anything, he was barely babbling. I was ashamed, which led to anger, which led to disappointment. Not in him, but myself. What was I doing wrong? Why wasn’t he speaking? The more I thought about it the more I wanted to cry. I asked around and the response was usually the same. “Boys develop slower”. Jon and I were not going to accept that as our answer. We began our search for help and understanding.

The next week was his 15 month well-visit. I voiced our concerns to his pediatrician who recommended we call and set up an evaluation with Early Intervention. It is a program offered to all families, free in most cases- a therapist will come and work with your child if they “fail” or fall short on a certain test. He mentioned that most children were not tested or accepted into the program until 18 months. I refused to wait.

Six stalker-ish phone calls later and I finally arranged an appointment for him to be evaluated. As the day of the evaluation drew closer I felt sick. What were they going to say? What will be his diagnosis? After the two hour evaluation I felt my stomach spinning waiting for their response. As the words fell from their mouth I felt like I was miles away. “Your son has excelled and preformed at a two year old level in all areas…”a smile took over my face. 

“Except for in his speech” 

I felt myself crawling into a shell. I knew he was behind, but hearing someone tell you makes it all that more real. “What happens now?”, I asked. They informed me that a therapist would be assigned to work with him every other week. She would come to our house and play with him while trying to encourage his use of words. And that is where our journey began.

Marje (his therapist), was due to arrive any minute for his first session. So many things crossed my mind. “How will Jace act? Will he cooperate? Will he be scared? Do I stay in the room? Should I make snacks?” 

Snacks…Why am I thinking about snacks right now?

After his hour long session and our first progress report I felt relief and a bit of confusion. All they did was play on the floor, I do this with him every day. At that moment I did not believe that this was going to lead anywhere. To say I was doubtful in the program was an understatement. When Jon arrived home from work I discussed the day’s events with him. We agreed to follow through with the program until his three month review.

Jace was now saying about 5 words. Dada came first, followed by dog, cat, mum and what resembled thank you. Tears of joy and amazement took over me the first time I heard him say mum. 

Are we British? Nooo! 

What he called me did not matter; I was so gracious to be called “mum”. I had been waiting 18 months to hear this and I still smile every time I hear it escape from his mouth.

It was now time for our three month review. The woman in charge of his case was happy with what he had learned but recommended we add a second therapist- Jodi, JoJo as the kids call her. A look of worry took over my face. Why do we need another therapist? Is Jace that far behind? Then my worry changed to excitement. If Marje was able to get him to speak 5 words maybe Jodi could double, maybe triple that. I agreed and patiently awaited our first session.

When Jodi arrived she warned me that she had a different style than Marje. She pushed the children harder and expected them to try. Her demands would occasionally bring them to tears when they did not want to do what was asked of them. She told me I needed to be strong and reassured me that those tears would eventually lead to words. She wasn’t lying. After about a month of her visiting with Jace he was saying 10 words. 

Now in the present day he is saying an average of 23 words. They may not be perfect, but they are there. These 23 words may not seem like a big accomplishment to the everyday family, but to our family it is everything. We are so proud of Jace and all he has learned over these six months and it shows on our faces every day.

Today was our six month review and the progress Jace has made is outstanding. We have decided to increase Jodi’s visits to every week, while Marje remains at every other week. Not because we fear he is not progressing but because he is. I love watching him learn. I have gained so much confidence in the Early Intervention program, and Jace has gained confidence in himself. I can see the happiness in his eyes when he speaks, and I know he can see the joy on our faces too.

Is it still hard? Absolutely! When we are in public and people try to ask him questions and he doesn’t respond to them, they look at us funny. But no longer do I find myself making excuses. I bend down and look Jace in the eyes and try to sound out words with him. Jace is a brilliant young boy who like millions of other children, was diagnosed with a speech delay. 

Instead of being scared and running from it, take charge. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that your child may need help. The earlier you begin the program the quicker you will see results. Early Intervention has been an amazing program for our family, and I guarantee it can only help yours too. Don’t waste another minute worrying in silence; your child’s voice could be right around the corner. And remember, you aren’t alone!

At First Signs, you can learn valuable information to see if the Early Intervention program would be beneficial to your family, as well as see the list of all services available. 

About the author: Melanie resides just south of Pittsburgh with her fiancé Jon and their two sons: Jace (who will be two in December) and Jaedyn (who was born in July). They are a cloth diapering, baby-wearing, breastfeeding, semi-crunchy family.